after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
Randomize
