Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
Randomize
