just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
Randomize
