When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
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