But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
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