Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
Randomize
