I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
Randomize
