and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
Randomize
