Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
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