Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
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