Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
Randomize
