Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
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