I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
Randomize
