i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
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