Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
Randomize
