Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
I deserve to be covered in dicks
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
Randomize
