The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
Randomize
