The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
whose ass print is on the piano?
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Randomize
