if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Randomize
