just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
Randomize
