At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize
