dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
Randomize
