i wish there were pregnant emoticons
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
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