I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
i think im in europe. pls send help
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize
