I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
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