dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
Randomize
