I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
Randomize
