am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
