i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
Randomize
