I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
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