Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
Randomize
