I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
Make me a promise>>> if you ever see the brats from that tv show NYC Prep walking around, you will trip them, and you wil throw drinks on them
I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
Randomize
