I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
Randomize
