I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
