All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
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