I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
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