We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
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