I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
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