So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
New invention idea: vibrating tampons
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
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