I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
I would go down on you faster than GM stock
Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
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