oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
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