please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
the liver wants what the liver wants
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
