i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
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