quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
It was like giving head to a cactus.
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
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