This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
