if i died would you start the facebook group?
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
Randomize
