Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
Randomize
