So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
