Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize
