Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
New invention idea: vibrating tampons
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
Randomize
