i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
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