it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
Randomize
