I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
I showed him my bush... on skype.
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
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