seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
Randomize
