i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
Randomize
